I made a blog and picked a pretty background about 6 months ago for the sole purpose of letting everyone know I was divorced. I don't know, I guess it seemed like the best way to do it. Put it out there in cyberspace for the whole entire world to see. I received amazing amounts of support from people I have met in all walks of what seems like a long life...I'm only 25--I know. I'm convinced going through certain things ages you X's 100! Anyway, I'm babbling. What I'm realizing is that putting it out there for you all to see was a step. For me, a HUGE one. But I have so many steps to go in my journey. Progression is key to a beautiful, fulfilled life and we all hope to be taking steps, even if they are tiny ones, forward. My life feels a little like its back tracked and I am trying so hard to close that gap and move forward. Really, just move at all.

Here is where my story begins. This was a LEAP folks. :)


I have ALWAYS been a scaredy cat. I slept with my parents until I was 4..my mom likes to remind me..In a FULL sized bed no less! (Thanks mom and dad) I would sleep on my older sister Shara's floor (when she would "allow" me), I would go wrangle either Annie or Hayley, my two younger sisters out of bed the majority of nights and make them come sleep with me and I still to this day sleep with a night light. Yep. I just didn't like being alone. There wasn't anything worse to me.

The other day I came across this quote from a friend on Facebook.

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." -Robin Williams

I couldn't have said it better. Actually this is exactly what I feel like I've been telling people who ask me about my divorce. And it never comes out as eloquently, but pretty much this quote is it. I have never felt so alone than I did in the four years of my marriage. Empty. Trying desperately to fill the void. It's almost like you feel a little crazy because you've made this committment where you feel like from now on you don't have to be alone, EVER again. I mean, you guys, I now had someone to share my bed with every night! No more scaredy cat. This was going to be awesome! And then sometimes, it just does not unfold the way you imagined. Sometimes, you are in the same house and there might as well be one million miles in between you. Sometimes you are embarrassed by the way things turned out and you don't tell anyone you feel alone, so you just feel more alone. But your not supposed to BE alone because you are married and what the hell even is marriage? And you start to question what the hell am I? How do I feel so alone when I am with another person? Am I going crazy?

Am I someone worth being with?

...if I am going to be alone, I might as well REALLY be alone.

So I am. And what I've realized, suprisingly enough, is I actually enjoy spending time by myself!

Being alone and being by yourself are completely different things!!!!!!!

I have had some much needed Katie time and I really like myself! I make me laugh. :) I used to hate working out alone and was always begging my sisters or someone else to be come with me--but the other day when I was on my bike by MYSELF I realized how empowering its been to find me again! To love me again. To know that I'm by myself and embrace it. Because I finally realized, I am NOT alone. I have the raddest family in the world! I am blessed with incredible friends. And mostly, I have a Heavenly Father who has promised me that I would never be alone. My favorite reminder from him is simple, yet powerful.."Be of good cheer little children, for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken thee." So WHAT have I been so afraid of? Being alone was never the problem. Being by myself was something that definitely took some time and understanding.

And now that I am here, I feel free. (But I will always sleep with a night light)